7 posts tagged “tkk”
It just feels... weird, y'know?
My first year of university-degree studies is finally over, yet I just can't shake the feeling that it's... well, not.
Talk about "existential crisis", really. After having said good-bye to your classmates and everyone's started to slowly go back to their home town, start working or just hitting the streets and going travelling, it just feels like there's this huge void inside.
Helsinki's never felt this empty.
Of course, I'll probably see some of them during summer but with the next semester still three and a half months away, you do get a bit overwhelmed over the thought.
I guess today was finally the day I kinda realised that I'm really living on my own. Sure, there are loads and heaps and piles of stuff I've been postponing all through school, and now I might finally have enough time to get them done, but it still feels a bit melancholy. I'll have time to write, read, paint, draw, design, study etc., but the thing is I'll finally have time.
Things tend to feel a bit too big when you finally have time to think about them. There's a big chance I'll end up walking to the university out of pure coincidence during the summer. Come monday I might very well be sitting in a lecture hall out of habitual reaction.
Strangely though, I secretly feel a need to shut myself in and away from my classmates all through summer; not that I don't want to see them, might just be I need some time "away"...
...
Talk about Picasso's 'Blue Period', huh?
Maybe I'm just nervous about tomorrow's job interview - especially seeing as I've never been to one.
This post was supposed to be mainly about me complaining how most of my gray matter's turned into an unintelligible mush thanks to being over-calculated - but it's surprising what a 10 h ( no lunch break) day of lectures and calculus can do to you.
... in a good way.
The last bit wasn't actually a normal lecture; instead, a select few freshmen (including me) had been invited by the vice-principal for a little small talk and a showcase of the newest facility in the university, the Design Factory.
The gesture in itself was really nice, getting to talk, on a personal level, with the #2 in a massive institution, especially since he was a very amiable man.
And getting to air out your complaints ( if only I had any) was a welcome change from the rat race. Of course, me being all smiles and praises, it was good to have a few somewhat more critical people around. After that, the VP proceeded with showing us around the Design Factory.
But before that, a little clarification.
Next year, the Helsinki University of Technology, the Helsinki School of Economics as well as the University of Art and Design Helsinki will merge into what has been more or less dubbed a "super-uni", meant to combine the industrial, economical as well as the artistic sector into a coherent learning platform, allowing for extremely in-depth projects across the academic borders, and integrating art, industry and economics into a singular think tank.
Of course, there's been a lot of criticism against it: even if all three parties are very positively inclined towards the merger, many fear that there will be a significant loss in academic autonomy, mainly since The Board will include people outside of academia, more correctly heads of business. People are scared that [whatever they may be standing for] will turn into a marginalized group outside of main funding.
Encyclo-mode OFF.
The Design Factory in itself is the first of its kind: containing workshops, meeting rooms for creative bouts, lecture halls, live-feed flat screens streaming different parts of the workshop, facilities as well as foreign universities ( enabling "on the fly" video conferencing pretty much anywhere in the facility) - more or less every essential bit a design process needs - it's function is to allow students from all three universities to connect, contribute and construct, allowing access to incredible resources to all three parts equally, already having produced quite remarkable results. Being only a few months old, the Factory's already produced three ( so far) successful start-up firms, a load of innovations on the way, and is still only settling in!
Of course, not everything ends up as good as it might begin, but damn it, I liked where they were trying to go with it! The prospect of it all was staggering, and really thrilling; if even some of those ideas would be successfully integrated into the new university, I don't think I'd ever want to graduate!
Hell, I'm not even that sure about it, but I'm pretty much sure I came at some point. The euphoria I left with is gonna keep me going for weeks! I just can't wait for them to get the kinks out.
There used to be few things in my life which I'd despise with as much vigor as math. I didn't like math, but I did pretty well in it. I got through high school and surprised even our own teacher by whooping out the second best score in our school during the matriculation exams, and I was able to surprise myself as well by getting more than enough ( OK, adequately enough) points to get into HUT.
Fast forward about 16 months, and I've gotten to realize in the past few weeks that, arduous and aggravating as math could be back in the day, it had nothing on the level of complexity that university-level calculus has as a given. Feeling like you're going to fail the course after a few lectures isn't something I'm completely used to - then again, sitting there going "Whu?" while the lecturer talks about complex and imaginary numbers ( which, hell on Earth, actually don't exist?!) is something I could've guessed I'd be doing even before realizing that, in math, I'm screwed.
Seriously, who needs to know how to count with imaginary numbers? And God Damn, am I the only one who feels it's incredibly sadistic to call them "Complex Numbers"? It's like a big shout out to all those who fear they're going to fail!
In all honesty, though, I guess I was just shooting myself in the foot by disliking math and getting into a polytechnic. Ironic, isn't it?
Sitting in class, listening to lectures and nursing a slight hangover magnified by near total lack of sleep last night due to an all night ( semi-mandatory) after-party at one of the classier clubs in Helsinki ( I'm sure there are already pictures all 'round the internets, unfortunately), I had a slight epiphany during my third wave of cold sweating and second lecture on structural engineering that maybe, just maybe, I'm in for the right job.
It's not exactly unsurprising when you realize that, when the lecturer tells you what books you need to successfully get through the course, not only do you own that very same book, but that you've also read through it a few consecutive times simply out of pure interest.
I tell ya, sitting there with a hangover you don't deserve and realising that you more or less already know everything about a course isn't only exhilirating, it's a huge weight off my back; especially since Introductory Calculus is about as easy as trying to have a meaningful conversation with a jar of pickles and the required "introductory" book on "basic" calculus is big and heavy enough that you could kill a fucking moose with it.
Of course, by the time the fourth wave of chills and shakes came over me I was well over the exhiliration and back to "oooh..."
Good times.
Anyway, life seems to have started to finally settle down here. I've started to get on track with what I'm actually supposed to do here, how I'm supposed to do it and within what time constraints. Math seems ... monolithic, to say the least, and I'm getting the strange sensation that I quickly need to find a very nerdy new friend who can tutor me in the hair-fine ( and horrendously boring) weaves of University-level mathematics. Physics isn't a problem, mainly since it actually seems interesting ( who can't say that after they've found out we have courses in not only Fire Simulation but also Contemporary Explosives - Theory and PRACTICE?). And at least I get the sensation of actually achieving something; two days in and I'm actually able to read basic cyrilic words ( I didn't say understand) and our very first course in construction theory has us drawing up and designing single family houses with emphasis on Form and Function. I don't care if you don't find it interesting, it's words like that that turn me on!
Anyway, back to trying to bash my head through the wall.
Apologize for the late post, but vox's been a tad iffy at home for the past few days, so I was forced to haul my ass to the university to post. OK, math lecture might've had something to do with it as well.
So my sister finally got married to The Man ( of her dreams), accompanied by wild cheers, a great party and some shits and giggles! Great times, really, even if I wasn't able to enjoy it full-heartedly thanks to my brain silently freaking out over the upcoming week at The University.
But still, I was able to enjoy the whole thing to about 90%, which was certainly worth it all! Especially since I got to chat with relatives I hadn't seen for a few years; few people I've met are as street-wise ( or generally wise) as my huge pack of cousins, and getting to talk with all of them at length was really something I needed!
Everybody agreed that "we just don't do these kinds of things (get-togethers, not weddings) often enough" and thought it would be great if we all actually did something about it! Being invited by various cousins and other relatives to "come over" to their various places in various countries - which was a nice gesture, but seeing as most of my finances are running on empty, we'll definitely have to see how long it'll take 'til I'm able to actually cash out on those gestures.
All in all, though, it was a very welcome break from ... well... everything, and getting back to the ( not so dreary) university-life that is me.
So Sis's getting married today to the Man ( of her dreams, apparently), which means everybody's getting ready for her Big Day - including me.
Well, come to think of it, I probably shouldn't be saying "including me", since I've been more or less left out of the whole process, save for some last minute ( but nonetheless crucial) tasks I had no idea I'd be handling 'fore today.
In short, I pretty much feel like the errand boy over here.
But I still think it's great that she's getting married, and even more so that I'll get to see loads of relatives who I've not seen in years. But it's still a huge mental barrier to cross having to come back to my parents' house over the weekend - mainly because I'd still have so much stuff to do at home myself, going through papers and such, but mainly brushing up on old academia. I'm gonna sound so selfish and horrible saying this...
... but I just don't have the time to see my sister getting married this weekend.
I'm feeling overwhelmed as is already: getting settled within the Halls of Academia is unsettling enough as is, but not even having a weekend off to take care of supplementary/more mundane tasks is going to kill off what little spare time I'd have next week.
And seriously, trying to brush up on integral calculus and matrixes in a bus with one foot in the grave is bad enough!
I hope you all had an not-so-peaceful kick-off for the new year (since, well, peace is overrated anyway, right?). Took a little too much, got a little too much, found out a wee bit too much, eh? Something like that? You know what I mean...
Personally, the new year got off to quite a great start. Without going into too much detail, I will say it involved a lot off laughter, saving good friends from various misshaps (social or otherwise), blowing up a few blocks in more ways than one and some social drinking.
But let's get serious for once, folks. It's 2008, which, at least for me, promises to be a good year all-in-all. Lots of big things happening: my military career will grind to a full stop, hopefully resulting in an honorable discharge; I'm finally able to fill my vacany at the polytechnic in Helsinki, and with that comes also one of the most awaited happenstances in my life: I leave the safety of the nest and am unleashed upon the world!
... that means I get my own place.
But me moving out is still - at the very least- 6 months away from now, and me actually starting my journey to get my Master's degree a few months more from that, so perhaps I should stick to something happening more... shall we say, in the near future of things?
I only have three more days left of conscription ( which rocks my socks off!), which means I only have three more days left until I enter the reserves. More importantly, I need a job. Not only is it enough that I have to justify my existense for the next 6 months or so of waiting, but I also need to find sustenance. Of course, me living with my parents until I decide for a change of scenery (and city) fills that void quite nicely, but it doesn't answer where I'll get the moolah from for me to be able to sustain my self indefinitely. Hence, job. Job=money=easier life while studying. Easy calculation. And at least me working will distract me from solely listening to that merry elevator-music-jingle they play whenever you're put on hold.
My only question is how will I be able to stay together without falling into another (one of my surprisingly frequent, though quite light) existential crisis? Well, it remains to be seen!
