8 posts tagged “thoughts on life”
It's been really busy lately - so busy, in fact, that I've completely forgotten about writing anything! Alright, so my subconcious is shouting that I actually haven't had the time to write anything down, but I'd beg to differ.
Mostly been really busy with the autumn courses; with an intended 47 credits just this fall instead of the normal ( and arduous enough) 30 credits they expect us to push out, I've been mostly just been trying to multitask and schedule my studying more effectively.
So it tears up the social calendar, but what can ya do, huh? Strangely, I haven't been feeling the least bit stressed, but I expect that to change once mid-terms hit me in the face.
But damnit, I like studying! I haven't felt this think-thirsty in years, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna let that feeling slide!
....
Then again, today was the season's first snowfall. Quite a serene change to the whole dreary hail and autumn storms that've been going on lately.
Maybe it's time for a change of pace as well.
While going through my first fitting of the wedding dress/suit ( it depends on personal preference) I'd be wearing at my sister's wedding I noticed the tailor having a very funny little sign on top of their main fitting mirror.
I have simple tastes; I simply want the best.
Getting to go through something as exciting ( I'm serious!) as having a suit tailored to your exact measurements while cautiously looking out for that one moment when the tailor might decide to nudge your gonads, you'd think that your average male with his brain eternally stuck on tube-o-vision would simply continue to stay on the look out for that one faithful, traumatizing nether region event with incredible fervor.
But no,
here I am, being twisted and turned around by the tailor like the dance-partner of some lubed up machismo-jock on prom-night, and I'm having the time of my life looking around, sucking in the vibe and the atmosphere.
(Ok, the air smelled funny and you can only go "OO, white-wall!" for so long.)
It's funny how easy it is to feel good about yourself in an overly expensive suit and the most smug little sign man hath created. Then again, now I've got yet another phrase to live life by. My Ego will be able to feed off that for the next month or so...
Getting a weekend "off" in the traditional sense has started to seem about as faraway of a dream as owning a private jet by the age of 24, since work being what it is, I generally have about 4 hours to spare per day, not including eating/making dinner, which means that most of my personal projects tend to clump themselves together by Friday, resulting in something reminiscent of the boulder-scene in Raiders Of The Lost Ark somewhere on Saturday.
I am, among other things, referring to my sister's wall...
Which, upon afterthought, I could've turned 90° before posting, but at least now it'll make your heads turn!
So, as promised, here it is, rough-cut & all, though right now it's more or less cut out, so painting can actually commence... in the near future.
Unfortunately, this pic is still quite rough, since it only contains the major stencils and the 3 lowest layers...
... Oh, and no colors...
Once I've gotten all 3 of these layers up, though, I'll be able to show you the essential color-scheme as well as start on the detailing. The girl isn't actually one of my own originals - it's amazing what you can find with Google - even if I've tweaked it quite a bit and added/subtracted a lot of things.
Getting to make this hasn't just sucked out most of my spare time, though; I've finally been able to get those creative juices flowing again, and I've gotten some great ideas for a small series of would-be stencils. Nothing X-rated, but you probably won't want to show them to your local mormons. Pics as soon as I've gotten some of them off the drawing board (literally).
And now for something completely different. It seems that, when it really all comes down to it, the only one who can really slap you silly in life is Life itself. A few hours ago I found out that a former classmate of mine ( and one whom I actually graduated with last spring) recently gave birth to a baby girl.
I, naturally, had no idea she was even pregnant, so the surprise was quite absolute...
... which of course made me question whether I'm actually that old already. You never really hit Reality until you're coming at it at 80mph. Sure, she's a year older than I am, but still, it's really hard for me to find myself in a stupefying situation like that and actually be able to come through it all.
But oh well, I wish her the best, and I'll spare you the philosophical pondering, since knowing me, it'll just trip all over itself and end in consolidation-icecream.
Today has, actually, in all ways been a good day. Not only do good days rarely happen to me, but to top it all off, it's a Monday! Monday's are supposed to suck, that's a law of nature as unmovable or indestructible as gravitational pull or academic suck!
But still, It's been a good day. Why?
- Because of my fever I had to call in sick today, meaning I didn't have to work on the suckiest day of the week. Which rocks.
- I was finally able to get the last little bit of my retainer taken out at the dentist's office today. It'll take a while 'til the back of my teeth have gotten accustomed to stuff like hot and cold, but at least I no longer have to explain that "it's not a piano-wire, it's my retainer" at the security check at airports. Which rocks.
- Surprisingly, the laptop I decided to order yesterday came in today. And because I know it wasn't even over-nighted I'm flabbergasted. OK, so I payed myself silly to get it and the dent in my bank-account is enough to make the iceberg that hit the Titanic blush, but now I finally have not only a computer that can actually keep up with my rendering-needs, but it's also my first computer! I now have something to keep me occupied for the rest of my time until I move out and start studying next fall. Which - duh! - rocks.
- I not only double-parked, but parked at a "no parking" parking spot, on someone else's reserved parking spot, and I still didn't get caught! And that rocks!
The only bad thing about today is that, like all good things, even this day must come to an end. And because today was such a non-suckfest, I dread to find out what kind of menacing things tomorrow might bring along. That, and the fact that I partially cut through a (few) window frame(-s) I wasn't technically supposed to with a chainsaw might have a little something to do with today's anxiety. Oh well, you reap what you (chain-)sow.
"Chocolate or jog?"
One of the most annoying moments in my daily life is that one time every few weeks when my brain loops around potential barhopping-nights through integral calculus to my favorite color-palette, only to suddenly stop, not falter mind you, and go
"... well, C or J?"
Seriously, there's nothing more annoying (well ok, I can think of a few things) than eating dinner only to suddenly get the choco-munchies coupled with athlete's anxiety.
But I've actually noticed that there's a correlation with my daily plans and when my brain actually goes "Chocolate. Now". It's actually quite a no-brainer, since the only days when I can't go buy myself a good ol' bar of blue Fazer (it's local, but more often than not I could kill a small, furry animal for it) is when I've actually made myself enough time to have a scheduled jog, but since it doesn't happen every time I go out jogging, I've yet to get used to it. And I looove chocolate.
Which brings forth a dilemma: do I try to kill off my cravings like a Soviet political prisoner (ergo, shot to the back of the neck), or do I simply succumb, like so many others have out of pure convenience and commercial purchasing-power?
'course, I could try to combine the two by jogging to the store and buy me some of the good stuff, but seeing as the nearest store is 500m away and I usually run 20 or more times that distance, it's pretty simple to realize who actually wins in the end.
But what about another store???
Sure, there are other stores, and in fact I could stop at the convenience store on my way back, but there are a few teeny "problems": I dare you to go buy yourself a bar of chocolate while drenched in sweat and wearing an old Karl Kani-sweater you only use for jogging since you wouldn't be caught dead in it otherwise. Either the other customers will think you really need chocolate, are fleeing from the fashion-police or are otherwise just. Plain. [Freaky] Special. And I'm not going to jog around with a bar of chocolate in one hand; the irony is enough to derail a train...
"Chocolate or jog?"
One of the most annoying moments in my daily life is that one time every few weeks when my brain loops around potential barhopping-nights through integral calculus to my favorite color-palette, only to suddenly stop, not falter mind you, and go
"... well, C or J?"
Seriously, there's nothing more annoying (well ok, I can think of a few things) than eating dinner only to suddenly get the choco-munchies coupled with athlete's anxiety.
But I've actually noticed that there's a correlation with my daily plans and when my brain actually goes "Chocolate. Now". It's actually quite a no-brainer, since the only days when I can't go buy myself a good ol' bar of blue Fazer (it's local, but more often than not I could kill a small, furry animal for it) is when I've actually made myself enough time to have a scheduled jog, but since it doesn't happen every time I go out jogging, I've yet to get used to it. And I looove chocolate.
Which brings forth a dilemma: do I try to kill off my cravings like a Soviet political prisoner (ergo, shot to the back of the neck), or do I simply succumb, like so many others have out of pure convenience and commercial purchasing-power?
'course, I could try to combine the two by jogging to the store and buy me some of the good stuff, but seeing as the nearest store is 500m away and I usually run 20 or more times that distance, it's pretty simple to realize who actually wins in the end.
But what about another store???
Sure, there are other stores, and in fact I could stop at the convenience store on my way back, but there are a few teeny "problems": I dare you to go buy yourself a bar of chocolate while drenched in sweat and wearing an old Karl Kani-sweater you only use for jogging since you wouldn't be caught dead in it otherwise. Either the other customers will think you really need chocolate, have some type of hygiene-problem or are otherwise just freaky. And I'm not going to jog around with a bar of chocolate in one hand; the irony is enough to derail a train...
–verb (used without object)
1. to remain inactive or in a state of repose, as until something expected happens (often fol. by for, till, or until): to wait for the bus to arrive.
2. (of things) to be available or in readiness: A letter is waiting for you.
A few weeks ago I started working at a construction site close to where I currently live. In exactly one month's time I'll have hung around for 20 years, and I've yet to start studying at the university of my choice. I already got in last year, but due to mandatory conscription for males, I had to postpone building my academic future for a year. It's still about six months 'til the fall term starts, and about the same time until I move out of my parents' house to Helsinki to an apartment much too small to contain the mass that is my ego. But for now, I'm simply working to earn money, for stuff and for this future coming at me like a freight train in a tunnel.
The reason I'm telling you all of this, perfect stranger, is because this is in essence me for the time being. I've reached a fulcrum of thought where I've come to realize that I've been sucked in deep into something I've come to refer to asThe Wait.
Since I wasn't able to begin my studies last fall as "originally" intended (a misconception, since I was fully aware of my conscription starting at the same time nonetheless), I've considered the year between me intending and me actually beginning studying as a more or less useless year for me. Granted, I'm making money now, but I'm not, in my mind, coming any closer to my ultimate goal, which I, paradoxically, have no idea whatsoever as to what it is. Instead, I am forced to wait.
Wait is the primeval word here, boys and girls; in fact, I've come to think of it as a progenitor to humanity as it is. The word in itself may not be of much value, but the meaning is what, I'm starting to think, drives us forward.
Right now I'm waiting to be able to quit my job, move out of my parents' house and start studying. Before that I was waiting to get out of the army, and before that I was waiting to get into the army. Soon I'll start waiting to graduate, and right now I can't wait to travel a bit and meet some friends I've seriously made wait too long for a reunion.
You starting to get the idea yet?
Ever since we're born and are able to make a comprehensible thought in our brains do we begin to wait. We wait for school to start, we wait for puberty finally pass us by, we wait for the bus, we wait for the entry-exam results, we wait for our next paycheck, we wait for your girl-/boyfriend to finally show up, we wait for that next big career-move, we await death. Life ends up being, in essence, One Big Wait.
Everything that means something to us is preceded by a wait of some length, whether it be seconds, minutes or years. No matter how long or short, we just can't wait it out. Irony hits us like a 16 ton weight.
When I was in junior high I was one of the shortest kids in our grade. My mother said I'd eventually grow taller than all of them and that everyone in our family were late bloomers, but personally I couldn't wait to grow taller NOW. In the end I grew into a 6 ft. tall pile of man, and I'm still growing a bit. But back then, it was on my mind every time I was out in public. I was tiny.
In senior high I started seriously dreaming about a career in architecture. Years passed, and last year I got all the way through to the final entry-exam for architectural studies in Helsinki. In the end I was less than a point away from reaching my goal, but didn't get in... yet. Next year I intend to retry; this year I'll start studying structural engineering at the same university nonetheless, and I intend to finish my MD in both fields. I just have to wait 'til next year.
Once I've gotten through university I don't know what to wait for. Maybe that's why so many people fear their 30th birthday; to those who haven't crossed it yet, it's the end of The Wait, and we just don't know what to wait for after that. Getting married, having kids, teaching them while they grow, further our career, death? Us youngin's don't know what's beyond that magical milestone. Before that we're all enchanted by The Wait. It's our striving force, our source of motivation, our biggest let-down, our own, big adventure. Whatever it may be, We Wait.
But maybe all that waiting is what makes life worthwhile, y'know? Once fall's here, everything precedeing it will seem trivial, mundane. "We're here now, now we can start waiting for the next big thing." The longer we wait, the better it'll feel once we're there; make it or break it, we'll always end up "there", whatever it may be.
And they do say that the trip there is half the adventure...
–verb (used without object)
1. to remain inactive or in a state of repose, as until something expected happens (often fol. by for, till, or until): to wait for the bus to arrive.
2. (of things) to be available or in readiness: A letter is waiting for you.
A few weeks ago I started working at a construction site close to where I currently live. In exactly one month's time I'll have hung around for 20 years, and I've yet to start studying at the university of my choice. I already got in last year, but due to mandatory conscription for males, I had to postpone building my academic future for a year. It's still about six months 'til the fall term starts, and about the same time until I move out of my parents' house to Helsinki to an apartment much too small to contain the mass that is my ego. But for now, I'm simply working to earn money, for stuff and for this future coming at me like a freight train in a tunnel.
The reason I'm telling you all of this, perfect stranger, is because this is in essence me for the time being. I've reached a fulcrum of thought where I've come to realize that I've been sucked in deep into something I've come to refer to asThe Wait.
Since I wasn't able to begin my studies last fall as "originally" intended (a misconception, since I was fully aware of my conscription starting at the same time nonetheless), I've considered the year between me intending and me actually beginning studying as a more or less useless year for me. Granted, I'm making money now, but I'm not, in my mind, coming any closer to my ultimate goal, which I, paradoxically, have no idea whatsoever as to what it is. Instead, I am forced to wait.
Wait is the primeval word here, boys and girls; in fact, I've come to think of it as a progenitor to humanity as it is. The word in itself may not be of much value, but the meaning is what, I'm starting to think, drives us forward.
Right now I'm waiting to be able to quit my job, move out of my parents' house and start studying. Before that I was waiting to get out of the army, and before that I was waiting to get into the army. Soon I'll start waiting to graduate, and right now I can't wait to travel a bit and meet some friends I've seriously made wait too long for a reunion.
You starting to get the idea yet?
Ever since we're born and are able to make a comprehensible thought in our brains do we begin to wait. We wait for school to start, we wait for puberty finally pass us by, we wait for the bus, we wait for the entry-exam results, we wait for our next paycheck, we wait for your girl-/boyfriend to finally show up, we wait for that next big career-move, we await death. Life ends up being, in essence, One Big Wait.
Everything that means something to us is preceded by a wait of some length, whether it be seconds, minutes or years. No matter how long or short, we just can't wait it out. Irony hits us like a 16 ton weight.
When I was in junior high I was one of the shortest kids in our grade. My mother said I'd eventually grow taller than all of them and that everyone in our family were late bloomers, but personally I couldn't wait to grow taller NOW. In the end I grew into a 6 ft. tall pile of man, and I'm still growing a bit. But back then, it was on my mind every time I was out in public. I was tiny.
In senior high I started seriously dreaming about a career in architecture. Years passed, and last year I got all the way through to the final entry-exam for architectural studies in Helsinki. In the end I was less than a point away from reaching my goal, but didn't get in... yet. Next year I intend to retry; this year I'll start studying structural engineering at the same university nonetheless, and I intend to finish my MD in both fields. I just have to wait 'til next year.
Once I've gotten through university I don't know what to wait for. Maybe that's why so many people fear their 30th birthday; to those who haven't crossed it yet, it's the end of The Wait, and we just don't know what to wait for after that. Getting married, having kids, teaching them while they grow, further our career, death? Us youngin's don't know what's beyond that magical milestone. Before that we're all enchanted by The Wait. It's our striving force, our source of motivation, our biggest let-down, our own, big adventure. Whatever it may be, We Wait.
But maybe all that waiting is what makes life worthwhile, y'know? Once fall's here, everything precedeing it will seem trivial, mundane. "We're here now, now we can start waiting for the next big thing." The longer we wait, the better it'll feel once we're there; make it or break it, we'll always end up "there", whatever it may be.
And they do say that the trip there is half the adventure...
