7 posts tagged “people”
To be honest, nothing makes me feel as helpless as the fact that people seriously don't talk enough with each other. Not your usual small talk or even the heavy duty stuff, I mean honestly talk with one another. Talk things out with one another, talk until there's nothing left to talk about really.
... I blame the lack of it on a lack of genuine trust. Few people actually have a person they can truly trust enough to pour their heart out with, even if, I think, everyone would really want to do that.
I genuinely think everyone has, deep inside, an overwhelming need to really spill the beans, talk things out, tell someone everything they feel about someone, something, what they wanna do with life, what really gets them going, both good and bad.
I think that's the utmost problem with people getting along; they just don't talk enough. But let's be frank: it's not really a world where you can or should speak your mind, however naive things you might wanna say.
I think that's why we really search for the right kind of relationships, as well. People keep looking for that one person they can truly trust, now and for an indefinite future, as well. Certain couples are visibly odd couples to everyone else, but maybe they're together just because they do find solace in each other; maybe they just trust each other. Perhaps not during the day, but maybe they find a mutual moment of weakness in the wee hours?
Most relationships probably end due to the very same fact - that we simply don't talk enough with each other. I think most friendships hit the reef due to the very same fact; we simply don't always mean what we seem to mean, regarding body language and such. We can go around beating the bush saying body language makes up 50-80% of our overall communication, but deep down I think many of us don't necessarily mean what we seem to be meaning - like we actually thought different from the way we act.
So why don't we just talk, huh? Simple: because 'fessing up about ourselves would mean we'd willingly open ourselves up to someone, and that just goes against social norms - and perhaps even primal instincts.
I guess that's why people misunderstand the ones who honestly try to pour their hearts out.
Ones like me.
"Y'know, if you've got the time for it, I'd love to take you out somewhere next week."
"But we can't, because if the two of us met publicly, there'd be so much Awesome that people around us would just drop dead."
Best. Turndown. EVER.
–verb (used without object)
1. to remain inactive or in a state of repose, as until something expected happens (often fol. by for, till, or until): to wait for the bus to arrive.
2. (of things) to be available or in readiness: A letter is waiting for you.
A few weeks ago I started working at a construction site close to where I currently live. In exactly one month's time I'll have hung around for 20 years, and I've yet to start studying at the university of my choice. I already got in last year, but due to mandatory conscription for males, I had to postpone building my academic future for a year. It's still about six months 'til the fall term starts, and about the same time until I move out of my parents' house to Helsinki to an apartment much too small to contain the mass that is my ego. But for now, I'm simply working to earn money, for stuff and for this future coming at me like a freight train in a tunnel.
The reason I'm telling you all of this, perfect stranger, is because this is in essence me for the time being. I've reached a fulcrum of thought where I've come to realize that I've been sucked in deep into something I've come to refer to asThe Wait.
Since I wasn't able to begin my studies last fall as "originally" intended (a misconception, since I was fully aware of my conscription starting at the same time nonetheless), I've considered the year between me intending and me actually beginning studying as a more or less useless year for me. Granted, I'm making money now, but I'm not, in my mind, coming any closer to my ultimate goal, which I, paradoxically, have no idea whatsoever as to what it is. Instead, I am forced to wait.
Wait is the primeval word here, boys and girls; in fact, I've come to think of it as a progenitor to humanity as it is. The word in itself may not be of much value, but the meaning is what, I'm starting to think, drives us forward.
Right now I'm waiting to be able to quit my job, move out of my parents' house and start studying. Before that I was waiting to get out of the army, and before that I was waiting to get into the army. Soon I'll start waiting to graduate, and right now I can't wait to travel a bit and meet some friends I've seriously made wait too long for a reunion.
You starting to get the idea yet?
Ever since we're born and are able to make a comprehensible thought in our brains do we begin to wait. We wait for school to start, we wait for puberty finally pass us by, we wait for the bus, we wait for the entry-exam results, we wait for our next paycheck, we wait for your girl-/boyfriend to finally show up, we wait for that next big career-move, we await death. Life ends up being, in essence, One Big Wait.
Everything that means something to us is preceded by a wait of some length, whether it be seconds, minutes or years. No matter how long or short, we just can't wait it out. Irony hits us like a 16 ton weight.
When I was in junior high I was one of the shortest kids in our grade. My mother said I'd eventually grow taller than all of them and that everyone in our family were late bloomers, but personally I couldn't wait to grow taller NOW. In the end I grew into a 6 ft. tall pile of man, and I'm still growing a bit. But back then, it was on my mind every time I was out in public. I was tiny.
In senior high I started seriously dreaming about a career in architecture. Years passed, and last year I got all the way through to the final entry-exam for architectural studies in Helsinki. In the end I was less than a point away from reaching my goal, but didn't get in... yet. Next year I intend to retry; this year I'll start studying structural engineering at the same university nonetheless, and I intend to finish my MD in both fields. I just have to wait 'til next year.
Once I've gotten through university I don't know what to wait for. Maybe that's why so many people fear their 30th birthday; to those who haven't crossed it yet, it's the end of The Wait, and we just don't know what to wait for after that. Getting married, having kids, teaching them while they grow, further our career, death? Us youngin's don't know what's beyond that magical milestone. Before that we're all enchanted by The Wait. It's our striving force, our source of motivation, our biggest let-down, our own, big adventure. Whatever it may be, We Wait.
But maybe all that waiting is what makes life worthwhile, y'know? Once fall's here, everything precedeing it will seem trivial, mundane. "We're here now, now we can start waiting for the next big thing." The longer we wait, the better it'll feel once we're there; make it or break it, we'll always end up "there", whatever it may be.
And they do say that the trip there is half the adventure...
–verb (used without object)
1. to remain inactive or in a state of repose, as until something expected happens (often fol. by for, till, or until): to wait for the bus to arrive.
2. (of things) to be available or in readiness: A letter is waiting for you.
A few weeks ago I started working at a construction site close to where I currently live. In exactly one month's time I'll have hung around for 20 years, and I've yet to start studying at the university of my choice. I already got in last year, but due to mandatory conscription for males, I had to postpone building my academic future for a year. It's still about six months 'til the fall term starts, and about the same time until I move out of my parents' house to Helsinki to an apartment much too small to contain the mass that is my ego. But for now, I'm simply working to earn money, for stuff and for this future coming at me like a freight train in a tunnel.
The reason I'm telling you all of this, perfect stranger, is because this is in essence me for the time being. I've reached a fulcrum of thought where I've come to realize that I've been sucked in deep into something I've come to refer to asThe Wait.
Since I wasn't able to begin my studies last fall as "originally" intended (a misconception, since I was fully aware of my conscription starting at the same time nonetheless), I've considered the year between me intending and me actually beginning studying as a more or less useless year for me. Granted, I'm making money now, but I'm not, in my mind, coming any closer to my ultimate goal, which I, paradoxically, have no idea whatsoever as to what it is. Instead, I am forced to wait.
Wait is the primeval word here, boys and girls; in fact, I've come to think of it as a progenitor to humanity as it is. The word in itself may not be of much value, but the meaning is what, I'm starting to think, drives us forward.
Right now I'm waiting to be able to quit my job, move out of my parents' house and start studying. Before that I was waiting to get out of the army, and before that I was waiting to get into the army. Soon I'll start waiting to graduate, and right now I can't wait to travel a bit and meet some friends I've seriously made wait too long for a reunion.
You starting to get the idea yet?
Ever since we're born and are able to make a comprehensible thought in our brains do we begin to wait. We wait for school to start, we wait for puberty finally pass us by, we wait for the bus, we wait for the entry-exam results, we wait for our next paycheck, we wait for your girl-/boyfriend to finally show up, we wait for that next big career-move, we await death. Life ends up being, in essence, One Big Wait.
Everything that means something to us is preceded by a wait of some length, whether it be seconds, minutes or years. No matter how long or short, we just can't wait it out. Irony hits us like a 16 ton weight.
When I was in junior high I was one of the shortest kids in our grade. My mother said I'd eventually grow taller than all of them and that everyone in our family were late bloomers, but personally I couldn't wait to grow taller NOW. In the end I grew into a 6 ft. tall pile of man, and I'm still growing a bit. But back then, it was on my mind every time I was out in public. I was tiny.
In senior high I started seriously dreaming about a career in architecture. Years passed, and last year I got all the way through to the final entry-exam for architectural studies in Helsinki. In the end I was less than a point away from reaching my goal, but didn't get in... yet. Next year I intend to retry; this year I'll start studying structural engineering at the same university nonetheless, and I intend to finish my MD in both fields. I just have to wait 'til next year.
Once I've gotten through university I don't know what to wait for. Maybe that's why so many people fear their 30th birthday; to those who haven't crossed it yet, it's the end of The Wait, and we just don't know what to wait for after that. Getting married, having kids, teaching them while they grow, further our career, death? Us youngin's don't know what's beyond that magical milestone. Before that we're all enchanted by The Wait. It's our striving force, our source of motivation, our biggest let-down, our own, big adventure. Whatever it may be, We Wait.
But maybe all that waiting is what makes life worthwhile, y'know? Once fall's here, everything precedeing it will seem trivial, mundane. "We're here now, now we can start waiting for the next big thing." The longer we wait, the better it'll feel once we're there; make it or break it, we'll always end up "there", whatever it may be.
And they do say that the trip there is half the adventure...
I was finally able to upload some pictures from a friend of mine who took a huge mass of pics all throughout the service, and while I haven't had the time to go through them all (or the vids, but some of them are quite funny, so maybe I'll upload them as well) I promise I'll post some sort of collection so I can finally get the military-monkeys off my back.
This little gem isn't actually me in person, since I'm actually the one taking the picture; it's one of the company's three snipers, all of which are in my platoon, and allthough I'm not at liberty to whack his name all over teh internets, I can at least 'fess up and tell y'all his callsign/nickname: Fabio.
Fabio's a really good sniper - we saw him make good, clean "headshots" at 1500m in seawind-conditions with a shitty ol' -85 (that's the older sniper-rifle in the army for those not in the biz). Here, however, he's not lining up a shot (allthough he should be, since an enemy-reconbike was coming down the road), but instead getting some shut-eye. This was somewhere beyond the fourth day of 2,5h of sleep per day, so it's quite understandable we weren't at "full" alert 24/7. Gotta give him credit where the credit's due, though: nicely camouflaged.
It's the 26th of D-cember, and Christmas is over... Well, at least for my part; I got fed, I got presents and I got to give some people some presents as well (I added that last part so that I wouldn't seem like too much of a self-centered douche... but I am a self-centered douche). But y'know, we celebrated ol' Jesse and can now move along, right?
... Well I think we can move on...
Anyways, next up, New Years Eve! And here comes the kicker:
BHAAAAAGH!!!
I have no idea how I'll spend it! Revenge of the wood-wood-woods, part 3: not only did me being cut off from civilization and socializing f**k up my Christmas, but thanks to my twisted affection to being close to birch-trees, I haven't had any time to lay out or make a plan for New Years. Wuddafuk?! Not only that, but most of my male friends having been in the same rut as I was, and them being the usual suspects for arranging great (and near-fatal) parties, there hasn't really been anyone left to do the actual planning.
Therefore: I'm fucked.
I currently have only 4 days left to come up with something (that is to say, some place I can spend New Years at), or bust.
But it shouldn't be impossible, even this late; a friend of mine laid out 4 things we (he) need(s) for new years:
1. A place to party at.
2. Booze.
3. A sauna.
4. Chicks. Hotties. Girls.
Though not claiming to be some crusader against male chauvinism or objectification, I can do without the girls the way he means. I am also the proud owner of a healthy (ok, wrong word) batch of booze, but other than that, I got nuthin'. The sauna stays; it's a Finnish thing, you don't have to understand. It just involves a lot of overly drunk, naked people in a very small, steamy space doing whatever (one New Years we had a snowball-fight, so it's not necessarily as kinky as you might think).
But 1. is a problem. Ok, I have options, but I still want something definite, a place to spend (at least the start of) the evening with my closer friends. There are of course things to do and people to see later on (a friend of mine is hosting a New Years-party at a local club), but I still need some place to start off at. '
Bhaaaaagh...
Still flustered about the "being a bad dad"-thing from a few weeks back, I decided I need to go finish up (or at the very least, continue) my christmas-shopping to people I really can call friends (of course I'm not bitter!). While trying to find the most befitting gift to the right person (which, if winging it, is surprisingly hard) I came across two strangers who really stopped me in my tracks. And to think, only one of them was a girl.
... To be exact, she was a muslim. I came across her in the bookstore, reading a manga and probably wondering should she buy it or leave it for someone less deserving. The whole scene with her, veil and all, reading a manga in a Finnish bookstore just cultureshocked me, but in a very positive way. I went about my business with a content and most probably silly-looking smile on my face thinking how far we've come as humans. The other stranger I came across later was a businessman wearing a Misfits-cap over his head. Feeling kind of stupefied (that's actually a word!), I started pondering why I really shouldn't even be surprised; people are completely different from what they might seem and most are two different people publicly and privately. Actually, perhaps not different per se (ehehe, perse), but the better you know someone, the deeper the connections between person and her or his actions.
I'm not making very much sense right now, am I?
What I mean is that, to quote Twin Peaks, "The owls are not what they seem." (To be frank I have no idea what the context to that phrase is, but it's apropriate right now): everybody's perceived in a kind of 'false light', where everyone sees our public persona; the puppet but not the puppeteer. So I start thinking how very badly everyone really knows each other. What makes us tick, what we really think about, what we see as important, how we're really feeling, and so on.
So still riding on a good feeling and trying to be endearing, I think it would be apropriate to tell a little something about myself. Show you the real me. Shed a few secrets and feel like someone might have started to understand me more (or less). But first let's shed the blog-mask...
*cough* So here it goes.
- I'm really not as conceited as I try to make myself seem here on my blog (or anywhere else for that matter). It's just that I like to put on a little bit of a show, for you and for myself.
- Whenever I see some new girl, the first thing I notice is her eyes. If she can stare me down with just one look, I'm sold. Long black hair is also absolutely gorgeous, but don't think I won't 'settle' for anything else.
- I may seem cold and misanthropic, but don't get me wrong: I'm just feeling insecure about the whole situation and am trying to come up with the most apropriate way to break the ice. In the end I try to be a loving person and don't want anybody any harm. But I will admit I don't get along with everybody.
- I actually write poetry every now and then. It helps whenever I feel emotional. It's just a way to relax and by scribbling something down I get some weight off my back.
- I get really neurotic thinking about how people perceive me and what they think of me. I'm also really shy, although whenever I blurt this out, people look at me like I just claimed I was Napoleon. Or Josephine. Guess people just don't see me as shy.
- I'm a huge designfreak. Not much of a secret, but it influences who I am, so it's apropriate to mention.
- I overthink things and therefore often won't do something because of a fear of(almost im-)possible third-party repercussions happening.
- I have three phobias: a fear of heights, a fear of standing and performing in front of a crowd (stagefright is an understatement) and a fear of dying alone/unwanted. I know their irrational, but somehow I still have them.
- In everything I do, the only one I try to please is myself. I've long forgotten to try and please others; as long as I am proud of myself, I'm content.
- I want my last words to be "Thank you."
I hope that wasn't too heavy for anybody, just thought it would be nice to give a little bit of me for everybody to share. Thanks for reading, and rest assured, rants will ensue once I have something new to rant about... Give it a week, will ya?
