5 posts tagged “parental unit”
"You're leaving today ALREADY?"
"Yeah, no point in loitering around here, anyway, since I have other things to do at home."
"... What 'things'?"
"I don't really think that's any of your business."
"You wanna take one of the cars with you? Y'know, since you're coming back on Tuesday, anyway, and you could get all of your stuff in one go."
"..."
"Well?"
"You're not planning anything, are you?"
"No, but we just don't need the car."
"OK, sure."
Now, I know I might be overreacting a bit, but with my parents having been in a slight "NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition!" - mode ( my mom gets special commendations for trying to sniff out the ins and outs of my love life), I think I have the right to be 'on edge'.
And it's not like my parents don't have a history of somehow acquiring more or less dubious information about me, anyway. I'm still convinced they have Chinese spies living two floors above me.
Hell, the only time they actually didn't seem to know what I was doing was when I was in the military; even they can't infiltrate something on a national scale.
(... You can't, right, mom?)
ONWARD!
Another source of slight anxiety is my digital camera - more correctly, my new, absolutely fabulous digital camera. Apart from the fact that it's competely awesome, I'm being very sceptical about it's wifi-capabilities.
That is, does it have any.
Not taking my paranoia to a new level, I'm going to be very careful while trying to find out whether or not it sends a copy of every photo to a central database I'm not aware of - a database owned by, say, the Bastille?
Not that I think my parents have the technological prowess nor the necessary contacts to pull something like that off, but seeing as they've been awfully interested in my extra-curricular activities as well as my plans for New Years', I should expect the worst.
That being said, mom, I hope you both can handle X-rated footage. Luv ya!
Parents:
- Double locks on all doors, one of which is "technically" lockpick-proof.
- Monitoring equipment.
- Motion sensor alarms, triggering a patrol car within 30 seconds.
Me:
- One-handed baseball bat in the closet.
... And oh yes it was.
And here I was, over at my parents' house, back in my old hometown, on my way to go straighten out my glasses ( why I'd twisted them is best to be left into oblivion) and decided to go check out a few bookstores on the way.
"Surprise" isn't a sufficient word to describe the feelings I wen through in 2/3 of a second once I noticed this black book of Awesome. Nearly 900 pages and every single story I've held dear over the years ( and a few new ones, as well), mine for only 22€!
Being back at home wasn't all about finding The Ultimate Book, however; still having a load of friends back there, most of my weekend went to going out and going out for "just one" - not leafing through the several 1000+ page magnum opuses I was supposed to read. Not that I was that inclined either; it was simply a matter of "I should" coupled with a retrospective "I didn't".
But that's not to say I didn't get shi-... stuff done: apart from supporting literary culture, I also got my hands on a deluxe edition of The Good, The Bad and The Ugly and I ( mostly) finished a few posters I'd been tasked with, so you can't really call me lazy, right?
And getting to see my friends was something my wobbly mush of a brain needed; apart from getting both the heads up and lo'down on everything ( like my friend getting a record deal, yay!), I got to see my first UFO: a really fast dot, moving in one single direction while gently swaying back and forth in an S-shaped movement, only to suddenly blink and disappear! I'd have liked to just call it a satellite, but satellites don't tend to alter course, so I'll play it safe and just say that there must've been a new anal probe out in stores in Alpha Centauri.
Plus, it sounds better on my CV.
Statement: Subject JV-88 has finally learnt that fauna, in general, require certain amounts of nurturing when not in the wild.
After having cleaned up and taken out the trash after Sis and her hubby (which took a while, since they seem to be pretty good at messing the place up) and having noticed that they ate me out of most of my house and home ( guess I'll have to do without yogurt for a few days...), I proceeded to do perform one of my utmost refined skills.
That, of course, would be loitering.
So, after a pleasant (and all too long) shower, some reading, oodlin' and doodling, I happened to look at my surroundings for a bit. And hearing my mothers voice saying "at least try to remember to water the plants" I realized that I should probably check the local greenery.
And, of course, there they were, looking more flaccid than Hugh Hefner's dong before his daily Viagra-shot. Five seconds later, and you had me scuttling about with a watering can in one hand and my pants in the other (it was still early in the morning, about 1:30 pm), trying to save what was left of my mother's plant(ation)s.
Don't worry, mom, the plants are... mostly fine, even if I had to go on a veritable hunt to find 'em all (they're really
scattered about.)
But now I've gotten back to enjoying the finer things in life, meaning Carlos Santana and the crashfest that is my laptop. If either of these keep going on, I might have to crack that ol' bottle open again; the reason why may vary.
I was also able to indulge myself in the only easter-tradition I have left, namely watching Monty Python's Life of Brian, which still makes me howl even though I know it by heart. And since I recorded Mel Gibson's version of the (apparent) slashfest that was the crucifiction of Jesus, I might as well watch that as well.
... And seriously, having leafed through it, I have to say that my dad's got one killer of an LP collection... Dibs, Sis.
Being 20 over here in Finland means that you're of legal age to buy booze, and while 18-year olds are allowed to purchase anything below or 21% (that's something, like 42 proof for you non-metric-system lesser people;) ), it takes a 20-year old to be able to legally indulge him- or herself in the beautiful art of spirits. By that I don't mean "break out the Ouija-board"; I mean "break open the Vodka!"
It would also seem that such a festive occasion requires actual festivities, and since it's easter next weekend, which means I don't have any work on Friday or Monday, I have ample time to drown myself. Also, the fact that my parents are leaving the house all for me for the next two weeks while they're in Aruba, I have all the time in the world for all of this (HI MOM!).
But this also mean that, while liquids won't be a problem, I am effectively left without the food-preparation, a.k.a. mom.
I am therefore going up against something I haven't had to experience since the military: severe possibility of hunger and starvation.
Because of this, I'm going to keep a journal right here, so that, in case they find my rat-eaten and dried up body, the forensic docs will have an easier time pinpointing probable time of death. And if I, against all odds, survive, I'll have some base literature to go through this fall, when I finally move out and start studying full-time.
But win or lose, I have booze.
