6 posts tagged “cold”

Observation: Perhaps dosage was increased too drastically, severe personality-fluctuations have been observed throughout the day. Dosage decreased to original amount.

Waking up in a cold, empty house today was ever more a depressing experience, since waking up 5:20 am inside a frosty house is more than I can bare! And I was bare... mostly.

It seems that, prior to leaving, the parental unit saw fit to turn off most heaters, the thermostat, the sauna and so on ad infinitum. Unfortunately for us up here where hell does, and has frozen over (ie. Finland), someone saw fit to open a frozen can of weather-whoopass on all of us by releasing the most menacing snowstorm this side of New Year's.

My first reaction? "I am so not going to work on my bike today."

So, caving in, (and after having turned on pretty much every heat-emitting apparatus in the building) I snatched me mum's car and took off. No harm there, the roads hadn't frozen (yet), and the snow was so light and powdery that it hadn't really stuck to anything (yet).

Fast forward to me leaving work. The snowstorm hasn't stopped, there's more snow around here than Frosty could puke out of him, and I'm running on unsalted roads.

It's not even 3km from work to home, yet during that short drive home (down Suburbiastreet) I saw one carcrash, one near-crash, a bus in the ditch and my ass land in a huge pile of snow (Ok, that was prior to me driving, but still, a casualty.)

But the funniest thing about it all was that the usual 3-5 minute drive took 20 minutes, 10 of which were spent on the last 5 meters of the whole drive. I could not, for the love of Bob, get the damn thing up the driveway and into the garage without it going all "Supaslick" on my ass. I was finally able to get it in there (Haven't you heard that one before?) by gathering some speed; one block, to be exact. Luckily the cops that passed me during that little spurt didn't stop me, since I was (among other things) not wearing my seat belt.

I've yet to carve up a path through the driveway, since I find it futile in the middle of a fucking snowstorm, no matter what other people may do!

I also decided not to go out jogging today, mainly because I don't own snowshoes, a sleigh or a ski-gimp.

In completely unrelated news, something big happened today, but because it's late and I still have to finish making tomorrow's dinner, I 'ave ta goo. Toodles!

After getting a good night's rest and my brain is actually starting to work, I thought I'd post a lil' something-something. Yes, the Endwar is over, I no longer wear full combat-armor 24/7, and I get to sleep more than 2,5h a night and I can finally heal all those bruises and cuts I've gathered. Oh, and that lil' bazooka-concussion I got, or at least I think I did. Life, therefore, is good. I actually kept my promise about keeping some sort of warjournal about my final experiences in the woody-wood-wood-woods, but bare with me, it'll take a few weeks until I've been able to transfer it all onto teh internets. Pics will follow as well at some point, though it'll have to wait until January, since I won't be able to get a hold of them until the 4th. Like I said, bare with me, it takes time to wrap a half year's worth of stuff together, but I'll get it done... eventually!

On another note, Facebook is driving me nutsters. By now, I suspect, everyone up to Jesus has their own Facebook-page, so I expect you all to know what I'm talking about. If you don't, go join Facebook (no actually, don't)!

It's not that Facebook is useless, it's just that it's full of those useless applications! Gawddangit, I was away for 2 weeks, and I come back to close to 50 invites to install said application that calculates how sexy my name is/what ninja I am/how many roses my rectum heart fits etc. And not only that, but JESUS PEOPLE, I didn't join Facebook to get twentyhundredfiftyeleven chainletters about some 7-year old girl with leukemia claiming that every time their message is forwarded she gets 7 cents. I'm not that gullible, and I'm definitely not that patient! I'm sorry, but I really don't care kids. And I don't care about your Hugs-war-chainletters either, I get real hugs.

But back to subject: seeing as I'll be discharged in January, posting should become more frequent as well, though time will tell if it actually will ( fret not, it will). In the mean time, as dyslexics say, have fnu!

Not trying to sound like a Tom Clancy-novel, I'd like to point out that it's finally here. Mais waht eezit? It is the culmination of my military career; the grand finale of conscription, the magnificent--... eh, feckit, it's a 12-day stint in the midst of the Finnish fauna and flora, a physical and mental test of how pissed a person can get, an almost two week long fight against an enemy nearly as non-motivated as you are. It sucks, but somebody's gotta do it.

The reason I'm even talking about this is not only because my leave ends in a matter of hours, after which I'll be cut off from civilization for quite a while (not so strange now that Nokia's Finnish, huh? Realize why we have to be #1 in cellphones, eh?), but also because after this my conscription will finally be over. Finit. Kaput. Over. Gone. Go away, no-one'll miss ya. And after this is over I can once again talk to people who actually think of me as having some self-worth (more on that in my conscription-rundown, in internets January 2008). But now I better get my mind set on sleeping in the woods for two weeks and eating things that'd make gruel seem gourmét.

But I'm in a hurry, sorry about that, one shouldn't update blogs in a hurry; they tend to become less thought out then. But I should be bringing with meself a pen and some paper, so if we're lucky you all might get some sort of on-the-spot diary about it all (as long as I won't have to edit out a whole mass of "**** this ****" from my transcripts.), but for now, adieu, see you all on the 22nd!

Wiv wuv, moi.

Hiya, beeyatches! Rant ensues.

I'm back from the woods, my 4-week Siberia-extravaganza of outings a thing of the past, a frozen memory left behind next to some pinetree... Kinda like my behind, but that's a whole 'nother story.

This last outing i had (sponsored by the very generous FDF. Wiki it if it's not obvious.) was a 4-day "WAR (= We Ain't Resting). I tell ya, four days and ~10h of sleep altogether kinda wears you down. And having to wake up in the middle of the night to go out on patrol kinda pisses you off. By the end of the second day I was just angry; by the end of the third I was on the verge of a perpendicular coma. Not much moving about in the brain-department at 2:00am, or at least nothing very logical (think Swedish Chef from The Muppets Show going "Wat de fuk? Bork bork!" over and over again and you pretty much get the idea how "out there" I was). On the other hand, having been numbed up by the lack of sleep and (oh, did I forget?) food made you forget how cold it really was.

But I'm back to civilization once more! Having gotten to eat real food (ok, it was a burger) and having gotten more sleep in one night than I had in 4 days has made me somewhat aware of my surroundings. At least now I can say I'm capable of cognitive thinking, though after two days, passing solids is still a bit of a problem...

... I know it sounds disgusting, but I haven't slept or eaten regularly in four fucking days, plus it's my blog, so Sierra Tango Foxtrot Uniform.

Ok, not much of a rant, but brain still no worky, sorry about that. Making real sentences still seems to pose a problem. Get back to you all once I've gotten some more sleep.

Contrary to popular belief, I am not always as punctual as I may make it seem. I am however smart enough not to get in trouble about stuff like that, and have once again come up with a bold statement to save me from all your collective hate and rage over my lies.

... Now let me just find the bold-option on this thing...

... found it!

HERE YE, HERE YE! I COME FORTH FROM THE FROSTED HAVENS OF THE FINNISH WOODY WOOD-WOOD-WOODS TO ONCE AGAIN BRING FORTH A NEW CLUMP OF LITERARY GOLD. TRIUMPHING OVER WOLVES, FROST, POLARBEARS AND THE DREADED SANTA CLAUS, I SPRING FORTH VICTORIOUS OVER THE ETERNAL COLD! I AM NOT DEAD.

Enough bold now, now let me just... there we go.

So let's get on with the posting. What's really happened in my life over the past two three weeks while I've been away from blogging about it? Well... Jack shit, really. I know, I know, you people can't stand it without me telling you about my fabulous life. "But Joni, you live such an eventful and adventurous life; you fight real men, shoot real rocketlaunchers and destroy real plywoodboards with them and do other manly, manly things. Are you sure there's nothing you could tell us storystarved twits of the world???"

Well, to tell you the truth, there is one teeny little thing...

I caved in... again.

I went and bought some more Ben & Jerry's. I didn't think it really could do something like this to me. Me, the manly man who breaks bones and does other manly things suddenly, while lying in my bunk thought to myself "Man, Ben & Jerry's would do just fine right no-... WTF? Did I just really think that???" So as soon as I got on leave, off I went, and surprisingly, not to hunts (though there was a ravishing blackhaired bombshell buying the same stuff, so booya, sceptics!), and came home with my (first) batch of Phish Food. Ok, fuck my statement about ice cream not being my thing, that stuff was the proverbial shit people've been talkin' about. But. I. Will. Resist. Why? Because it's not very manly to sit and chew down chocolate-fudge ice cream with little chocolate-y fishbits in it, is it?

Onward to the next topic! Everybody knows what facebook is nowadays. That wasn't a question, it was a statement. It has to be like that since both my 60-year old uncle and my senior lieutenant use it. And that's just kinda... well, freaky. Hell, even I facebook, and I don't even like the verb.

Facebook just makes me really neurotic, y'know. On one hand, it's cool and effective that friends from faraway have a "noticeboard" that I can more or less rely on to get a message through. On the other, I have loads of 'friends' who in real life I probably wouldn't even talk with past the compulsory "how-you-doing-?-(though-I-don't-really-care)". Also, I have this wildly popular "compare people"-application, which pretty much just lets people compare two randomly picked people off of their friends list over some generic topic. No harm in that, it's just that most of my facebook-friends don't even know me that well (or at all). It just feels kind of disparaging to find out that someone finds you unsexy, not very useful or thinks you'd make a bad father (that last one really ticked me off royally). But still, as long as I can stay in contact with my real, overseas friends, I guess I just have to stand other people's rank generalisations about me. Y'know, screw you, I wouldn't sleep with you either. So there.

But hey, nobody wants to end things on such a depressing note, so funny comic!

Oh and figureskating rocks, or at least women's. Hey, you women keep talking about how men are only interested in women's tennis because of the marginally small and high-flying skirts, so at the very least I'm not being stereotypical over my chauivinistic sports-choices. Plus I'd hit that.

Ok, here's the thing: I've got 60 days left in the Service until I'm (hopefully) honorably discharged. Out of these sixty days "roughly" (exactly) 44 days are actual days I get to spend with the rest of the jolly ol' Green Gang, running around in army-leotards like some retard. Out of these 44 days 27 will be spent in the woods (the woody wood-woods of frosty ol' Finland). Which brings me to why I started this rant in the first place: I'm pissed. Off.

It happened to be last Saturday when I woke up at a timely 12am. I would've slept longer, but I had to go pick up some folks at the train station. So there I am, in my mood-lighted room, about as awake as a grizzlybear after being poked awake with a pointy stick by some Steve Irwin-lookalike going "Crikey!", and about as happy about said bear probably would be at that point. So I shuffle off to the window, since most people think that the curtains should be open as long as you're awake (go figure...) and what do I see?

The low, reverberating "Fuck..." that escaped my clenched teeth probably caused a few earthquakes somewhere in Tijuana and my icy gaze would probably have made Mr. Freeze proud, but at that moment I didn't care that much.

Snow-season seems to have gotten it's fuck-frosty-grip on Finland once again, and for once I'm not overwhelmed with glee because of it. The reason is that this Monday kicks off my 27 near-consecutive days in the (now snowy) forests of mid-Finland. It's fun stuff if you can go inside once you've had enough of it for the day, but the glamour of a snowy landscape kind of wears off once you realize you're getting a rimjob from Frosty the Snowman. Not only will I probably have to scrape off my nuts from the log I just sat on at some point, but this also means that eating (since we eat outside) is going to suck even harder; for some reason we're not allowed to eat with our hats/caps/helmets on ( I didn't know pinetrees care for etiquette) and now we have to eat even faster so the food doesn't freeze solid in our messkits. Maintenance is going to be a pain in the ass as well: guns freeze, and brushing your teeth with frozen water rarely tends to work. To add even more to this fuck-fest of frost is the fact that I don't get to go on leave next weekend. Instead I have to sit (thankfully) at the brigade and await the next lil' camping trip the Finnish Defence Forces decides to throw at me. This happens to be the following week's Monday...

So in case I don't post anything after two weeks (you can be sure that if I can, I most certainly will), you might want to send out a search-and-rescue party after me. You might want to look for something that's flipping the bird to the rest of the forest.